Useful
by mazeru
Summary: The pain that came, cutting his sentence short, reminded him that he was there. He was alive. They all were. For now. And as long as they lived, they could be... Crowfic,Tokusa-centric,with implied character death and homosexual interaction,feel warned


A small drabble, result of small thoughts running through my head put together... I'm not really happy with how this turned out, but eh.... it's tpp unclear. I might rewrite it someday... or write a longer thing basing on this. Who knows.

Hints of sexual content ahead, lots of nonsense, implied homosexual relationships. Basically, whatever sits in my head.

Also, I apologise for any language mistakes. I'm kinda out of it and English is not my main language... anyone want to beta it? orz

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**Useful**

He let his eyes slide close, feeling the deformed hand hover over his chest. Corners of his lips twitched slightly in something between a pained grimace and what could be a smile. Could be.

This was the place, this was the point in time. Funny how it all ended, especially looking back at those past few years now...

They say that when you're about to die, your life flashes before your very eyes. If that was really true, then he either was not going to die yet - but that was not an option - or that 'flashing' was going in a slow mode.

_A man stumbled out of one of the many rooms lining walls of the Crow training facilities, limping a bit. He was making his way towards the end of the corridor, towards his room, hair down and in a rather tangled mess, grimace twisting his face every now and then when walking proved to irritate his body more with each step._

_Nothing a Crow wouldn't live through, but still..._

_He wondered briefly how _he_ managed to deal with it all that time. Then again, that man always seemed to have a stick up his ass, he reminded himself with a quiet, amused chuckle escaping his lips._

_Leaning a bit against the wall, he finally reached his room, pulling the door open and staggering inside, towards the bed. What hour was it anyway, three in the morning? Must be something like that. This meant he had only three hours for sleep before he would have to head out for another series of tests. Probably the most unpleasant aspect of being one of the experimental group. Trainings weren't that bad, they were just the usual, only a little bit more intense, and focusing more on endurance now._

_'Preparation for the new strain that will be put on the bodies' as they called it. Was fine by him. As long as he was...._

_He fell face down on the bed, wincing slightly. At times like this, he'd appreciate a softer mattress. Fluffy pillows also would be welcome. Quite obviously, the Crow quarters were not a five-star hotel. Another chuckle escaped him at the thought._

Hotel_... eh._

_His body kept aching dully, it almost felt like it was throbbing with exercise he put it through, and in all honesty, if he ever needed a proof that Madarao was rough with others in absolutely every situation, then there he had it. Then again, he seemed to be more easily irritated than in the past. Probably a result of all the testing they were being put through by Epstein's group, or because _he_ left for a special mission and would not be coming back anytime soon. Or, most probably, it was a combination of both._

_And this is where the exhausted man came into play. It was nothing he didn't do before, Crows were no Saints even if in theory, elite Vatican agents should be ones in this one aspect. He knew Madarao _needed_ this, now more than ever. There were not many close to him, and taking the taller man's preferences, he really was first choice in line right after _him_._

_But that was alright. After all, he was at least..._

Tokusa raised his eyes to look at Madarao, catching the other's gaze. He could almost _feel_ the mixed feelings, with shock, or confusion, being the dominant ones emanating from Allen Walker that stood beside them, silver orbs locked on blue-haired man's transformed arm. Why did everything feel so slow? Everything went mute for a moment, he could only feel his heart beat frantically in his chest, loud, deafening.

_The hand on his chest, right above his racing more than it should heart applied more pressure as the man on top of him propped himself up, and two pairs of slant eyes met. The taller one's expression was blank, unreadable - nothing new. The one laying on his back wore a smile as always, though it was a bit of a tired, perhaps strained expression._

_"You're impossible, you could have at least knocked first." He pointed out in a teasing tone. He would love to point out that he _shouldn't_ come at all._

_It's been a week since they came to the Black Order, and yet, he still visited. _He_ was there too, so why? Because he got used to it? Because of the difference in their ranks? Inspector under direct orders of Secretary Leverrier and a Crow turned half-akuma... well, that certainly _would_ cause more controversy than when both parties were just young Crows. Was that the reason? Or..._

_He raised his hand, touching the side of Madarao's face a bit hesitantly, as if he expected it to be swatted away any moment. For whatever reason it wasn't, only indication of displeasure was deepening in the frown the taller of the two wore. Was it at the gesture or at his words though? Or he just felt in some odd way what the one on bottom felt, what he thought. It wouldn't be a first, nothing really was anymore, not between them._

_He could feel cooling sweat on heated skin. They were alive, although calling themselves humans was not a privilege they would still possess. Was what they had now still life, really? Akumas were machines, cells they took were not even fully organic. Twisted parody of tissues that were just deformed creations of Noahs' Dark Matter applied to human bodies. It now made up more than half of what they were. They absorbed whatever they could, to make themselves stronger. Be it Akumas themselves, or failed experiments with Alma Karma. If anything, he would say they resembled kind of parasites. Not biologically. But in the way they existed._

_This would come to an end soon though, he knew that much. It was _granted_ that it would not last long, it was just part of the plan..._

_"We'll die..._ vanish_ soon won't we? Next mission, probably, if what the reports of Noah and Akuma activity say is true."_

_A nod, and he smiled again, more genuinely this time._

_"He's lucky he left the Crow for this mission before Epstein introduced her project. He'll live on if we succeed."_

_"You talk too much." Madarao growled, bringing his body lower again, hand sliding off the other's chest to support his weight against the mattress this time._

_"I know" a quiet chuckle "but at least I can still be..."  
_

_The pain that came, cutting his sentence short, reminded him that he was there. He was alive. They all were._

_For now._

_And as long as they lived, they could be..._

"Ma... darao... was I... useful?"

His breath came in short, ragged pants. His entire body stung, burned as the Alma cells inside him did their job, closing wounds without much care for the fact that it was just solidifying his body into the mutilated form, propped against wall of the cave as he watched his companion - his companions, though calling Allen Walker that was still something he did reluctantly - struggle against two Noahs, vision blurry with pain so great he barely felt it, really. Sheryl Kamelot threw him an amused glance, arms folded nonchalantly over his chest as he stood by the broken man.

Tokusa paid him no mind anymore. It was useless to ask this question. Even more so now when, before his very eyes, Madarao staggered a few steps, a wound in his chest inflicted by Noah of Pleasure bleeding profoundly, even though its edges started closing already. He knew the blue-haired Crow had no time for distractions. He fulfilled his mission, he served as long as he could. His last duty was to pass the Alma cells on, though apparently, he would not be granted that wish... his last wish... could he want something else then? If he couldn't have this...

His eyes widened a bit when Madarao turned towards him, even if it was for brief moment, less than second maybe. Lips moved, or maybe he was being just delusional now. But that was all it took for his own to curl into a broken, bloody smile as his eyes slid shut, and he could almost, almost hear the other's voice in his head, whispering the answer.

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......what is this I don't even...

*sigh* Well, but there. I got those... stuff... off my head now. Or so I hope. Review anyone, please?


End file.
